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21

Aug

bellsket:

"This is why you can’t trust women! They’re so good at makeup and wear it to fool guys into thinking they’re hot!"

shit. girls he’s on to us *washes off makeup to reveal lizard face and climbs up a wall* we will return with a new disguise. soon the power of earthly men will fall

(Source: busket)

I swear to every heaven ever imagined,
if I hear one more dead-eyed hipster
tell me that art is dead, I will personally summon Shakespeare
from the grave so he can tell them every reason
why he wishes he were born in a time where
he could have a damn Gmail account.
The day after I taught my mother
how to send pictures over Iphone she texted
me a blurry image of our cocker spaniel ten times in a row.
Don’t you dare try to tell me that that is not beautiful.
But whatever, go ahead and choose to stay in
your backwards-hoping-all-inclusive club
while the rest of us fall in love over Skype.
Send angry letters to state representatives,
as we record the years first sunrise so
we can remember what beginning feels like when
we are inches away from the trigger.
Lock yourself away in your Antoinette castle
while we eat cake and tweet to the whole universe that we did.
Hashtag you’re a pretentious ass hole.
Van Gogh would have taken 20 selflies a day.
Sylvia Plath would have texted her lovers
nothing but heart eyed emojis when she ran out of words.
Andy Warhol would have had the worlds weirdest Vine account,
and we all would have checked it every morning while we
Snap Chat our coffee orders to the people
we wish were pressed against our lips instead of lattes.
This life is spilling over with 85 year olds
rewatching JFK’s assassination and
7 year olds teaching themselves guitar over Youtube videos.
Never again do I have to be afraid of forgetting
what my fathers voice sounds like.
No longer must we sneak into our families phonebook
to look up an eating disorder hotline for our best friend.
No more must I wonder what people in Australia sound like
or how grasshoppers procreate.
I will gleefully continue to take pictures of tulips
in public parks on my cellphone
and you will continue to scoff and that is okay.
But I hope, I pray, that one day you will realize how blessed
you are to be alive in a moment where you can google search
how to say I love you in 164 different languages.

(Source: bonaventure-)

me:
haha hey guys do u dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream
them:
no
me:
*shaking my head and chuckling* i cant believe you guys are making me do this
them:
we're not
me:
*eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you guys you're so fucked up for making me do this

20

Aug

officialbrostrider:

helenaphan:

officialbrostrider:

i remember when i was 14 this kid asked me out and i told him i wasnt allowed to date till i was 16 and he said “i’ll wait.”

two years later he wished me a happy birthday and asked me out

did you say yes

DID YOU FUCKING SAY YES

image

Lady on the bus next to me:
Tell me again- what are you not going to do in daycare today?
Little boy:
I will not hit the teacher with a light saber.
Lady:
And why are you not going to hit her with a light saber?
Boy:
It is my toy, and my choice, but if I hit her with the light saber, I'm acting like a Sith.
Lady:
Do you want to be a Sith?
Boy:
No! I am Obi-Wan!

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood

cakejam:

adobe-outdesign:

sociallychallengednerd:

what if lawn mowers are so loud because they have to cover the screams of the grass being massacred. 

http://media.tumblr.com/9e0ccfbe05bb74b6c1070ff6c2a54558/tumblr_inline_mjwffvintM1qz4rgp.gif

wow what version of windows do u have this is 2014